Why do we tease? Because we love

Packing and unpacking (associated with moving… not just...

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 22:39:50 -0400

Packing and unpacking (associated with moving… not just for the hell of it) is a good way to re-evaluate all the crap that you’ve accumulated in life.

Take, for example, Leafy. I found him/her (it seems unfair to gender a crumbling leaf) on a hike last fall. I think it was the first hike that I went on with my girlfriend. I saw Leafy on the ground after we had stopped to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I thought s/he looked like a little mitten. Also, I needed an ally because the gf was making fun of me for some reason or another. Leafy and I decided to take a hike BY OURSELVES… which made my gf laugh. Why? She’s always laughing at really stupid things I say that no one else would ever laugh at. Maybe thats the reason I kept him/her for 9 months.

Even today, when I picked up Leafy and part of him/her crumbled, before I considered throwing the leaf away, I racked my brain for possible ways to preserve him/her. Actually, I tried to think of something for about 45 seconds and then I realized any serious attempt to save the leaf would be time consuming and get bits of dry leaf everywhere. Therefore, my time with Leafy had come to end. But only if I took a picture to remember him/her. 4ever.

My god. What kind of mother am I going to be?! Exactly like my mother. Oh boy.

"Another Poem: I wish I were taller And had perfect legs And had easier hair to fix And was a..."

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 22:17:53 -0400

“Another Poem:
I wish I were taller
And had perfect legs
And had easier hair to fix
And was a man
Sometimes I do
But not really
But sometimes
But not a lot
Just a little
Once in a while
O.K. only once
When I had to use the restroom
And somebody was in the ladies’ room so it was locked
And the men’s was open but I was too chicken to go in
So I wished I was a man then
Just that one time”

- From Ellen’s 1995 book “My Point… And I Do Have One”

"But the irony and the twist of it, the poetry of the project is that no matter how good that looks..."

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:42:09 -0400

“But the irony and the twist of it, the poetry of the project is that no matter how good that looks to people, for me, the taste of cupcakes is worth far more than diamonds could ever be.”

- Pharrell via Eat Me Daily

Vexillology

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 16:54:14 -0400

the scholarly study of flags.

HOW MANY TIMES...

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 13:32:00 -0400

AM I GOING TO SIT ON A CHOCOLATE COOKIE OR MUFFIN AND NOT REALIZE IT UNTIL MUCH LATER, WHEN IT HAS BEEN SMASHED AND/OR MELTED INTO THE FABRIC AND LOOKS LIKE CRUSTY FECES ON THE ASS OF MY PANTS?!

Three and counting.

@ Little Paper Planes. Via Design is Mine.

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 13:11:21 -0400

@ Little Paper Planes. Via Design is Mine.

"My family thinks I am mad,” he said. “But it’s perfect for me."

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 13:03:04 -0400

““My family thinks I am mad,” he said. “But it’s perfect for me.””

- And that’s all that matters. @Telegraph.

Blood Boiler of the Day: Ann Coulter on liberals, domestic terrorism and abortion

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 13:02:13 -0400

Blood Boiler of the Day: Ann Coulter on liberals, domestic terrorism and abortion:

According to recent polling, a majority of Americans oppose abortion — which is consistent with liberals’ hysterical refusal to allow us to vote on the subject. In a country with approximately 150 million pro-lifers, five abortionists have been killed since Roe v. Wade.

In that same 36 years, more than 49 million babies have been killed by abortionists. Let’s recap that halftime score, sports fans: 49 million to five.

Meanwhile, fewer than 2 million Muslims live in America and, while Muslims are less murderous than abortionists, I’m fairly certain they’ve killed more than five people in the United States in the last 36 years. For some reason, the number “3,000” keeps popping into my head.

So in a country that is more than 50 percent pro-life — and 80 percent opposed to the late-term abortions of the sort performed by Tiller — only five abortionists have been killed. And in a country that is less than 0.5 percent Muslim, several dozen Muslims have killed thousands of Americans.

But the killing of about one abortionist per decade leads liberals to condemn the entire pro-life movement as “domestic terrorists.” At least liberals have finally found some terrorists they’d like to send to Guantanamo.

For some reason, Coulter feels compelled to compare the recent murder of abortionist Dr. George Tiller to 9/11. Did the phrase “apples and oranges” ever come to mind? Apparently not.

I suppose the conservative philosophy for commenting on Dr. Tiller’s muder is three-fold:

Say, whatever liberals! You started it first.
Utilize “The Hitler Question”. (“If you could have killed Hitler before he murdered 7,000 Jews…)
If options 1 and 2 have been exhausted, resort to 9/11 comparisons. Key words: Muslims, terror.

Irrelevant and insensitive, as always.

Pondering Google, Facebook And Wasting Time

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 13:12:23 -0400

Pondering Google, Facebook And Wasting Time:

By Andre Codrescu

(Originally appeared on All Things Considered, 6/2/2009)

When she was 10, my wife, Laura, belonged to a junior librarian club whose motto was, “We never guess; we look it up!” Bless their little hearts. Her club came up when I was complaining about the tons of e-mail I get asking questions people can look up. I thought about signing off with, “Don’t ask me anything you can Google,” which is kind of rude but necessary in these days of little time and too much communication.

If you ask me anything you can Google, then you force me to waste time being Google, just another appendage of an empire that’s already stolen half my waking hours.

After some well-meaning fan put up a Facebook page for me, I signed up for it myself, and now I get messages on Facebook that I could have gotten just as easily in my regular e-mail, a time-wasting redundancy that also carries other time rip-offs with it.

My regular e-mail now tells me I have Facebook messages, forcing me to go to Facebook, which is slow on account of the jillion egos battling for verbal-audio-visual attention. And when I get there I find some cute thing that it’s taken me years to ignore in real life, and I start wandering involuntarily among postings in the hope of something to get that sickly saccharine taste out of my mouth, and I find more cute — a real sugarplum tree made by millions of bored people. After that honey bath, I’m ready to Twitter in rude Anglo-Saxon.

The new media’s given me several new insights:

1. Most people have too much time on their hands;

2. Most people are passive receptacles for whatever goes by;

3. Most people are not bothered by redundancy — they can do the same thing three or four times in a row without feeling defrauded; and

4. Most people want to be recognized for something, even if it’s just dumb repetition.

Maybe there is an upside to this, something organic that’s good for evolution, but I’m inclined to think that it’s deliberate extortion by aliens.

Google me timbers!

The name alone is so cute, you can hardly go on for an hour without hearing or saying it.

Google. Google. Yo Google.

If Google ever takes off its mask, you might be surprised to find that it doesn’t look cute at all, that it’s more insect than human, like almost happened when it agreed to censor itself in China. I suspect, too, that this Google is just the first of many coming Googles, one cuter than another, each with more time-chomping jaws than the next.

I wonder where all this time we seem to have come from? Did the washing machine and the car really create such leisure time that we are giving it over to Google? Are the machines really working that well together?

I guess, but I just don’t know. And this time I can’t just look it up, oh junior librarians, ‘cause there is no Google for this question.

Rejecting the Rejection

Tue, 05 May 2009 13:22:44 -0400

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer, just send them the following:

To Whom It May Concern:

Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment at this time. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [Name of the Company]’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately. I look forward to working with you. Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]

Via Office Jokes and Humor. Thanks Simone

And the Pursuit of Happiness by Maira Kalman

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 20:56:41 -0400

And the Pursuit of Happiness by Maira Kalman:

May It Please the Court is a really original and inspiring narrative. I’ve been feeling pretty emo lately which is probably why I like this so much, but Ms. Kalman has put together a fantastic piece. Read it and be inspired to travel and experience things and record them in new ways.

My favorite part:

“And then there is Susan B. Anthony. She also challenged the law because she believed women should vote. I vist Rochester where she lived and is buried. I look at her brush and comb. She loved beautiful things. She really existed. She ended up looking very stern. And why not?”

thedailywhat: /obligatory. so hot!

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 20:38:39 -0400

thedailywhat:

/obligatory.

so hot!

i can’t tell how i feel about this. maybe cheated? or am i...

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 12:17:57 -0400

i can’t tell how i feel about this. maybe cheated? or am i glad they recycle?

"Dragons!"

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 11:38:00 -0400

““Dragons!””

- In response to the rhetorical question posed by my Biology professor, “What other animal makes fire besides us?” He had to ask.

i love a good hampshire college joke

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 12:29:46 -0400

gimmick:

Then why haven’t there been more openly gay SNL cast members?

Amy Poehler - That’s a really good question, but I don’t know. Someone should pick that up as a thesis at Hampshire College.

Amy Poehler Advocate Interview

Finally, how can I bag a man like your husband, Will Arnett?
AP: Just go up to a big guy, cough a little, and say “Carry me” in a baby voice. Sometimes that works.

NEW***Acai Patch with Green Tea!

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 11:09:54 -0400

NEW***Acai Patch with Green Tea!:

For weight loss? This is too weird, I needed to pass it on. Also, that yellow shirt is from H&M.

"History has always belonged to the people who controlled whatever present there was. They control..."

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 10:33:46 -0400

“History has always belonged to the people who controlled whatever present there was. They control history. So it’s not a matter of taking it back. Very often people will say, Let us restore America to what it once was. To what? Slavery? Let us restore the good old days? The good old days lie ahead.”

- Howard Zinn, Failure to Quit

There's never been a better time to join the NRA

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 11:08:27 -0400

There's never been a better time to join the NRA:

Consider the benefits of Lifetime Membership… a Charlton Heston Commemorative Knife!

Hi Dear

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 12:27:46 -0400

Why do I love these terrible scam emails so much?! Your father had $9 million saved up to buy a cocoa processing machine? Jesus, those things are expensive.
I like how they emphasize the holiness of their mission with a lot of God talk. This email isn’t so bad, but some of the other ones are really preachy and weird. WHO FALLS FOR THIS. (Besides Michael Scott… did you see “The Roast”?)

Dearest One, I know that this mail will come to you as a surprise because we do not know each other before, but I have my reason for contacting you believing God that this will usher in a long term relationship base on transparent honesty.
I am Miss Annah Richard, 20 years of age and contacting from Ivory Coast.. I am an orphan being that I lost my parents. My late father was a cocoa and timber merchant until his death. He was assassinated by the enemies during the political crisis here. Before his death he made a deposit of Nine Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US$9,500,000.00) in a storage company here in Ivory Coast. This fund was meant for a purchase of a cocoa processing machine before the war broke up. Please, I am soliciting your assistance for the retrieval of this fund from the Storage Company and also safe-keep it in your country or any safer place of your choice pending when I will come over to meet with you for investment arrangements and also for the continuation of my education. Kindly indicate your true willingness and capability of helping me out of this situation. I have resolved to give you 20% of the total sum and also you shall benefit from the investment. Thanks and best regards.
Annah Richard.

hahahaha

thedailywhat: Lights Out: As wonderful as the Internet is,...

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 11:22:30 -0400

thedailywhat:

Lights Out: As wonderful as the Internet is, there will always be a gaping hole where this man’s blog should be.

[via.]